Heartbroken Feeling

I'm no where near recovery.

Temporary

Temporary happiness is all I feel now.

Nieda IS AWESOME !

xx

Acceptance

What I've been through was really a shocker for me. But it's alryte, I've seen the other end of this dilemma. It's not me to chose what's best for them. I'll let them decide themselves. Cause their the only one I got. I know they can change. I got this strong feeling in my gut that they would. I'll just have to wait. Realizing this, their still the same person i knew years back. I'm not giving up on them. :)

Btw, I wrote a new song today. It's a so so for me. Still trying to make it slower but it still ended up being in a upper beat. It's about trying so badly to change the people you love. but lastly realising that it's not your responsibility to make the change. It's them to decide. It's just a matter of time. So yea, that's the whole sum of the song.

I have another song I'm trying to finish tomorrow. It's more of a continuation of my cousins unfinished song. It's in my ipod though. it's called 'track 05' for now. cause I can't quite figure out the perfect title for the song yet. i might just call it pancakes. Okaay maybe not. Still in the figuring out section. I'll think of something.

Oh guess what, I'm starting my p90x workout tomorrow. Time to pump back those all muscle of mine. It's gonna be like pumping a flat tyre. So see me in the next two weeks. Cause a slightly bigger version of me will arrive. if you know what i mean :P

The Break Down

I'm so disappointed knowing most of my friends shisha. Hmmm, must be a new way to be in the in crowd. So tell me this, what do you get when you do it? Does it gives you happiness? Does it give you love? Does it give you satisfaction? Does it gives you hope? I'll never know.

But one thing I do know that is that I'll always look down on people who shisha or smoke. It shows how weak they are. Shows how they value their lives. The ones I look up too are those who has done it before but has quite knowing that it just kills. They are what I call survivors. But I'm so foolish in believing I can change everyone for the better. The thing is everyone is too big of a number. I've seen the corruption that this lead too.

Did you know that taking one puff of shisha is equivalent to taking 3 packets of cigarettes. Plus, the risk of lung cancer and brain damage is higher compared to cigarettes. And yet they still do it. They remain unchanged.

Maybe it's a new of smoking. Who knows. Why won't they think what would happen in the long term? Why would they want to bet their lives on this? Just picture yourself sucking in all the smoke in the exhaust pipe in a car. That is what shisha is to me. But the thing is, no matter how hard I try, I'll never get through to them. Only they can change for the better. No one else can decide.

If you think that all the effect of shisha won't happen to you, fine.

If you want to risk your lives, fine.

If you think that doing this makes you feel better, fine.

If you think by doing this makes you fit in, fine.

If you don't care about anything I've just said to make you change, fine.

Cause I've done my part. Now it's all up to you.

Fun Fact About Myself

Whenever I feel sad, it will always rain. When the rain falls, I keep thinking that I'm the one who made it rain.

Stay

I hope you'll be there with me, in years to come :)

I'm holding on to that,

New Idea

Today, I just got back from riding my bro's wave board. It's pretty awesome if you ask me. Gotta get me one of those one day. Maybe next week. After my exams. Haha. Anyways, I finally made a new song 10 minutes ago. It's not complete yet, but i can assure you it's the one to be uploaded. You know what, I still can't get my mind off this wave board. I just gotta get my hands on one. It's driving me crazy. But i'll most probably end up with a broken arm, or a broken leg once I own one. So just get your marker pens ready, just in case I have to wear a cast one day.

Till next time!

Equilibrium

Things, as always will reach equilibrium one day. See for the past few months(knowing that it's been awhile since I've updated) it's been quite rough for me. Unstable, just like swimming in a strong current. Not sure what will happen next. Always on my feet to make sure I make the right moves.

But now I realize, no matter how bad something could happen. Something good will always come after. It might not be today,tomorrow, but just wait. That taste of relief brings itself to you. Being yourself, and not trying to be someone else would be one of the things I adore. Thats why well I have someone incredible in mind right now. I'll give you a hint who it is. The hint is JOG. Haha.

Hmmm, I love my life right now. Like i said,everything is in equilibrium right now. No down side, not so much up side either. It's just nice the way it is. I managed to find my cousins facebook today. I gotta tell you, it took me 3 month to find it. Luckly, I did. I'm starting to miss that funny cousin of mine. He's releasing his new album on the 7th of december. So to you guys, who love's his songs like I do. Just be sure to get a heads up when that day arrives. What can I say, I have to admit he's the coolest cousin a person could have. I myself couldn't believe he's gone this far in his journey in music. From someone who started with a crappy guitar to someone who could produce songs with meaning. Truly amazing.

I guess that's all I gotta say for now. Just one more thing before I end this post, it's to this special someone mine. Thank you for always being there for me, even through the thick and thin. I hope we can make it for a long shot.

( 1.8.09)

Love

Have you ever wondered what love feels like?

Has it ever crossed your mind?

New song coming up :)

This Is War

This would be a new story, a new chapter has begun. Something has been bothering me lately. I knew what it was, I just needed someone to tell me if it's true or not. and I got the answer, it is true. Everything i've worked for, everything i've worked my ass off was for nothing? Well no, you're not going to take it away from me just yet. I still have some fight in me. I know you want my name of the wall, but you know what. I'm not gonna let you. I can't put it in words anymore. I'm just sick and tired of it. Just listen to the song that is currently playing on my blog(Graffiti-chris brown). It's exactly the situation i'm in right now.

The question now is:

How long should I keep fighting for it?

Even if I don't get it, I'd quite and watch the whole thing burn to the ground.

I just realized something,

She's amazing.

Yerp, everything a guy could ask for :)

Perfect Fit

I know, I may not be the perfect fit, but hey at least I fit. Taking all this time to think this all through can really get to you. Why do I always over think things? Well we're guys. It's in our nature to do so. This is why we tend to get a little bit crazy sometimes. All the answers is right smack in my face, but why I still hesitate. It's me that need to be changing. Not anyone else. I need to get out of this cave that I keep dwelling in. Madness I tell you. To avoid all this from happening again, I need to try and find a way not to over think things as frequently as I used to. This is one of the conditions love comes with, that's jealousy and a little over thinking. Haha it's hard to admit it, but that is the ugly truth of it. But I'll do whatever it takes to fit perfectly.

So can you wait till that time happens? :)

Off My Chest

Alryte, I'm done. Choir, I'm no longer a part of you. Everything has changed. Nothing is the same anymore. That attraction towards you has disappeared, vanished. I'm not even going to look back at my decision that I made. I know it's the right one, let's just leave it at that.

In doing so, I wish you the best of luck towards your upcoming event.

Why Can't I Just Say, No

Tell me this, why in the world can't I say no to the things I don't want to do. It's driving me crazy.I'm having this feeling of burning that damn music room. Damn, I need to find a way to tell her that I don't want this. What's the benefit of it? I know if I say those six little words, I'll let her down. I can't just do that. I've been letting so many others down before. I can't just do the same to her.

Sometimes I wonder, why can't I just be the bad guy in the story. The one who doesn't care so much. Things would be so much easier if I were to be that person.

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/MJazzly

Missed It Again

Tell me this, how could I possibly be the one. If I can't be there for that someone. Now I'm having second thoughts. Am I even the right guy anymore. Maybe it's time for me to pass this title to someone who could do it better than me.

Hmmm... :/

Oh how my heart melts for you :)

Hmmm...Should I?

End of an Amazing Week

Even though this week has ended in a flash, but it was worth it. Every moment of it. I'm saying this straight from the bottom of my heart. Just seeing the smiles on those familiar faces again was simply amazing. You could say I was in cloud nine. It feels like I haven't even move school yet. Too bad it was only for a week. If I was given a week more, just a week more, I could've done everything on my list. Next time then.

I don't really have much time to post much. So, I just want to thanks everyone for spending their time with me. It really meant something. I hope we could do this again. Maybe in March. I'll be back for sure till then.

Definitely March :)

Stay or Leave?

Choosing hasn't been so difficult. Both sides have their pros and cons. I just have to pick the one that's best for me. They said just choose one and get over with it. Easy said and done with. But if you put yourself in my shoes it isn't actually. You can say it's a matter of life and death situation. The only problem is you don't know which side brings life and which side brings death. How I wish, this would be as simple as choosing a restaurant to have dinner.

Somehow I knew this day would come. I just didn't expect it to come so soon. I need more time to think this through. Give me a week or two. Then that'll ease on making my decision. Atleast I'll still have time to say goodbye to those closest to me. I'm gonna miss their smiles every morning, the laughs we share, the looks on their faces every time when I lose in every little fight we have. Those memories can never be buried. It's just there waiting to be rediscovered again.

Even if I go, I have a feeling everything will be alright. Things will still stay the same. I mean how can one guy make a difference rytee.It won't give a huge impact on anyone. They have their own life to worry about.

Now I feel like an empty vessel,being drifted away. Waiting to be pulled by the current that awaits in front. I don't feel like doing anything anymore.

Let's just wait and see..

Relieve

The pass few days, hasn't been going so great. I knew something I shouldn't have, then all sorts of things started going through my mind. I can't even think straight anymore. All the possibilities. It feels like someone's stabbing you countless times. I had to put on this fake smile just to be sure that no one sees what's up. That was a tough week for me to go through. But once I heard the truth, finally I can breath much easier . It doesn't matter what other people might say. Those are just words trying to move you further away from the truth. Push that aside, and I know we'll be okay.

lazybum :)

Sit and Wait

Day in and day out. Been stuck in the school hall. What a great way to start school huh. I think if you give me a few more hours in there, my legs will literally fall off. These legs were meant to move not just sit there for hours and hours listening to teacher clarify the classes available. The funny thing is during the holidays an hour seems to pass just like that. When school starts just an hour seems like days. It's times like this where you wish there would be an extra week of freedom left before school starts.

Lucky, tomorrow is the last day in the hall before we officially move on to form four. Let's just hope I get the class I applied for. It's all up to them to decide. All we can do now is to wait and see.

Oh and April here I come :D

Here it Begins

First day of school, same faces, same routines. Here is where it's all going to begin. The fresh start I needed to change the old me. It was nice to see those smiles again. That spark somewhere inside grew tremendously. To bad my partner in crime wasn't there anymore. Looks like I'm on my own this time. It'll be a tough i know, but once you've know the tricks behind it all, it's gonna be smooth sailing from there. Now I wonder how the month of January is going to end, either devastating or it might just be a new opportunity to get up from where i left off. Who knows, things will only get clearer as the days goes by.

New year resolutions? God I got loads of em'. Where should I start, alright maybe we'll go with the goals that needed to be accomplish by the end of april and the ones needed to be done through out the year.

Here we go:

1) Get excellent grades for my form 4 year

2) Keep every promise I make

3) Win in the school marathon

4) Post atleast 5 of my own songs on the web

5)Change only for the better

6) Willing to take any risk that needed to be taken

7) Figure out where is my life taking me

8) Fly to Geelong

9) Learn any time of martial arts

10) Be there for someone whenever I can

Why am I listing all this down you may ask. Well it's to make sure that I'm on the right track in reaching my goals. Alot of things are going to happen this year I know that for sure. That's why I'm constantly reminding myself not to go astray. Cause you'll never know what life have instored for you.

Now I know

have you ever felt like things aren't adding up? Not going the way you planned it would be?

Sometimes we have to face the fact that when you've done something terribly wrong, that river that you've once passed before isn't smooth anymore. The current is faster, stronger and you never know where you might end up. That stream of happiness needs to be rediscovered again. But doing that is quite hard from my point of view. Finding the right moment, the right words, the right time, the right moves. Everything needs to be looked over hundreds and hundreds of time before taking that chance. Why? Well maybe it's cause i'm still new at this. So it needs time getting used to. I gotta say I'm not the best, but i'll get there one way or another. Worst? Hmm.. like i said i'll get there. Promise.